The next Watterson family Episode 1, Act 3

The next Watterson family
Episode 1, Act 3
The last half of my day was rather uneventful, or at least I didn’t tell any other girls I’m attracted to that I think they’re sexy. The fact that Miss Simian chewed me out in front of her class of freshmen about me accidentally retyping some of her worksheets using a semicolon after the word name as opposed to a colon. Though other than that nothing other than my computer technology teacher who happened to be an old type writer spent the whole period reminiscing about how in the old days about how everything was better and the kids worthless little social networks like twitter (or tree-ter as he calls it) and face book, which he constantly calls bookworm, but other than that, the day ended with relative normality (at least normal for Elmore).”Hey son how was your day?” said my dad as he hit the school mascot, the iron chestnut, with his car in front of everyone. I honestly did not expect that to happen today.
But the embarrassment of the incident was short lived as I followed his hand motion to hurry up and get in the car. Which he then followed with knocking over the school bulletin board, knocking of some of the letters that said “Today, the homecoming meeting will be in the auditorium” which now spelled “they meet in the closet” due to the fact that the janitor was editing the board with a full alphabet of bulletin letters.” Why don’t we go the other way” my dad my dad said as he glanced over at me and proceeded to go in reverse, making the gray, bearded gerbil that was our school custodian fall off the front of the car groaning in pain and misery. This is so going to come back on Monday.” Well, that entire aside, how was your day? “He said, trying to make the situation less tense.” Ok I guess.” I said, contemplating on how he was way too late to make the situation less awkward. “How did it go with that girl you’ve liked since junior high?” asked, instantly making me relive the incident after lunch.” Nothing happened between us today.” I lied, trying to change the subject. “You know, I had a crush on a girl throughout middle school.” “D-jay’s mom? I asked. “Yes, Penny was this beautiful young doe , she was the head cheerleader, and she was as smart and funny as the day was long, not to mention she started getting this really big rack near the beginning of the eighth grade.” He said with a slight grin on his face.” But then I took your mother on a date to see Alligators on a train four, It was a horrible movie, but a great way to get her to like me. We really hit it off on the night of Halloween that year, we-“” Not to be rude dad but, well, I really don’t want to hear about the first time you and mom made Wooh-hooo.” I said while making a big eyed and blank face expression, which was followed by a mockingbird flying into the car windshield and falling off the other side. My dad just looked at me with a slanted eye and said “well if by Wooh-hooo you mean play that videogame with the hotdog and giant rat on a subway together for the first time then I will tell you about it some other time.” He said as another mockingbird flew into the windshield.
The rest of the car ride was accompanied by the sound of classic father and son awkwardness, ending with the both of us parting ways once we got inside the house in the way we always would after something ungodly awkward occurred. There is absolutely no way things could go more uncomfortably until dinner. “Hey Dynamo, off to go spank the monkey again?” asked my little sister marmalade as she giggled in a way that a seventh grade girl would after speaking an innuendo that kids at  her @#$% middle school always seems to somehow teach her. Maybe I could get to my room without another wave of uncomfort taking place.
Though thankfully I made it there without my mom asking if her hairclip made her look fat (Which would probably happen later with my luck). I closed the door and proceeded to unlocking my safe with my favorite candy, Jelly Belly Jellybeans. I’m protective over my candy, in this house it’s either lock them in a safe or risk your mom possessing your dad and then eating then I made the stupid mistake of mistakenly eating some black licorice and popcorn beans and nearly gagging. I then spent the next thirty minutes grinding up gold on a Fire Emblem game only to have a character I planned to use die to a critical hit that only had a one percent chance of occurring. Eventually the urge to throw my Gameboy out the window and scream curse words at the top of my lungs subsided and I went downstairs again.
“How many times have I told you Gumdrop that this family could not afford for you to get detention today! And you Carbon! This better be the last time you ditch school to spend the day with Sally.” Said my angry mother as she pulled in my two younger brothers, Gumdrop and Carbon. Now you’ve met Gumdrop, but your probably wondering why I haven’t mentioned Carbon. You see, it all started the day before yesterday when he and his Girlfriend sally made out on my Jelly Belly blankie just to piss me off. Which in my world is probable cause for the revokement of his title of Bubblegum Lance Watterson’s brother.( My legal and less epic name).I mean who plays kissy games with his girlfriend over the beloved blanket of his older brother? But anyway, as my mother barked at my two younger, and less intellectual brothers I thought it would be a good time to help prepare the Dining room with my father as the planned dinner with my grandparents was approaching.